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Jewish Wit and Wisdom
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living. Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks. - Yiddish Proverb

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. - Yiddish proverb

A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he is right. - Yiddish Proverb

One old friend is better than two new ones. - Yiddish Proverb

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world. - Jewish Proverb

Old friends, like old wines, don't lose their flavor. - Jewish Proverb

A wise man hears one word and understands two. - Yiddish Proverb

'Don't be so humble - you are not that great.' - Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat.

Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself. - Golda Meir

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. - Albert Einstein

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein

When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German Ambassador, he said 'If they want to see me, here I am. If they want to see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits.' Albert Einstein

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. - Albert Einstein

You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails. - Yiddish proverb

I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become immortal through not dying. - Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens! - Woody Allen

Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton.

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. - Albert Einstein

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. - Albert Einstein

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school . - Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

A group of leading medical researchers had published data indicating that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is..."Let My People Go."

Old Jewish men in Miami get hernias from wearing chai's which are too heavy. This condition is called chaiatal hernia!"

If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A bris kit!

JEWISH JEOPARDY:  We give the answer, you give the question

A: Midrash
Q: What is a Middle East skin disease?

A: The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?

A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?

A: Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?

A: Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?

A: Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?

A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut, and a cut?

And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions via the Internet. The service is to be called..."E-MOIL."