Jewish Wit and Wisdom
If
the
rich
could
hire
other
people
to
die
for
them,
the
poor
could
make
a
wonderful
living.
Yiddish
Proverb
The
wise
man,
even
when
he
holds
his
tongue,
says
more
than
the
fool
when
he
speaks.
-
Yiddish
Proverb
What
you
don't
see
with
your
eyes,
don't
invent
with
your
mouth.
-
Yiddish
proverb
A
hero
is
someone
who
can
keep
his
mouth
shut
when
he
is
right.
-
Yiddish
Proverb
One
old
friend
is
better
than
two
new
ones.
-
Yiddish
Proverb
One
of
life's
greatest
mysteries
is
how
the
boy
who
wasn't
good
enough
to
marry
your
daughter
can
be
the
father
of
the
smartest
grandchild
in
the
world.
-
Jewish
Proverb
Old
friends,
like
old
wines,
don't
lose
their
flavor.
-
Jewish
Proverb
A
wise
man
hears
one
word
and
understands
two.
-
Yiddish
Proverb
'Don't
be
so
humble
-
you
are
not
that
great.'
-
Golda
Meir
(1898-1978)
to a
visiting
diplomat.
Pessimism
is a
luxury
that
a
Jew
can
never
allow
himself.
-
Golda
Meir
Any
intelligent
fool
can
make
things
bigger
and
more
complex.
It
takes
a
touch
of
genius
-
and
a
lot
of
courage
to
move
in
the
opposite
direction.
-
Albert
Einstein
Life
is
like
riding
a
bicycle.
To
keep
your
balance
you
must
keep
moving.
-
Albert
Einstein
When
his
wife
asked
him
to
change
clothes
to
meet
the
German
Ambassador,
he
said
'If
they
want
to
see
me,
here
I
am.
If
they
want
to
see
my
clothes,
open
my
closet
and
show
them
my
suits.'
Albert
Einstein
Intellectuals
solve
problems;
geniuses
prevent
them.
-
Albert
Einstein
You
can't
control
the
wind,
but
you
can
adjust
your
sails.
-
Yiddish
proverb
I
don't
want
to
become
immortal
through
my
work.
I
want
to
become
immortal
through
not
dying.
-
Woody
Allen
I'm
not
afraid
of
dying
- I
just
don't
want
to
be
there
when
it
happens!
-
Woody
Allen
Imagination
is
more
important
than
knowledge.
-
Sign
hanging
in
Einstein's
office
at
Princeton.
Not
everything
that
counts
can
be
counted,
and
not
everything
that
can
be
counted
counts.
-
Albert
Einstein
We
can't
solve
problems
by
using
the
same
kind
of
thinking
we
used
when
we
created
them.
-
Albert
Einstein
Education
is
what
remains
after
one
has
forgotten
everything
he
learned
in
school
. -
Albert
Einstein
Two
things
are
infinite:
the
universe
and
human
stupidity;
and
I'm
not
sure
about
the
universe.
-
Albert
Einstein
|
A group of
leading medical researchers had published data
indicating that Seder participants should NOT
partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It seems
that this combination can lead to Charoses of the
Liver.
At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The
brand name, of course, is..."Let My People Go."
Old Jewish men in Miami get hernias from wearing chai's which are too heavy.
This condition is called chaiatal hernia!"
If a doctor carries a black bag and a
plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A bris kit!
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JEWISH JEOPARDY: We give the
answer, you give the question
A:
Midrash
Q: What is a Middle East skin disease?
A:
The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?
A:
A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?
A:
Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?
A:
Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?
A:
Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A:
Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut, and a cut?
And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions
via the Internet. The service is to be called..."E-MOIL." |
